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How To Know If You Struggle With Self-Care

Signs of Struggle and How to Shift Into A Mindset That Will Lead You to Wellness

Let’s talk some more about creating a family as a working system. This definitely applies to parents, but it also applies to anyone that struggles with self-care. How do you know if you struggle with self-care? Well, some telltale signs are feelings of anger, resentment, confusion, desperation, overwhelm, and even despair.

Furthermore, when we tend to run an inner narrative that frames ourselves as a victim, than we create a reality for ourselves of dis-empowerment. Unfortunately, people are victims at times, of all kinds of neglect, abuse, and atrocity. I’m talking about something quite different. It’s the tendency to be focused on others faults, inadequacies, and shortcomings as a way to explain our own difficulties. If only he, or she would do such and such. If only my child didn’t behave this way. If only the government would fix its problems, then my life would be easier, better, freer, more satisfying, etc.

There is a fine line between falling victim in our internal dialogue, and living in self-care and advocacy. Many times the actions can look the same, but the mindset behind them is quite different. Victim narratives are based on the belief that something is not as it should be, or someone or something is wrong.

Self-care comes from the position of worth. I matter, so therefore I will speak, act, and invest in a way that advocates for respect, kindness, inclusion and love. I think we all can agree that the world is a work in progress. Which means, each and every one of us is a work in progress. When we approach our own wellness from the intention to loving ourselves, as opposed to trying to change another than we increase the power of our actions towards that wellness exponentially.   I like to think of our mindset, motivations and intentions as the ingredients we use to create our lives. And as we know, the ingredients we use, the quality and the source of those ingredients, matter a great deal in terms of outcome and nutrition.

Are you creating a nutritious life?

When we begin to shift this inner dialogue, or mindset, then we start to create a working system for ourselves, and for the loved ones in our community. So how can we make this shift?

The beginning is about trust. Part of learning how to trust in a bigger way than before, is about letting go of some of our stories we may be holding onto. Are you willing to let go of who you think you are and what you think about the world? Are you willing to release your story in order to see what can emerge from beneath it? Are you willing to trust your life, as it is?

When we consider trusting our life, then what follows is an interesting curiosity. What might your life and your current circumstances being trying to teach you? What might the chronic illness, or stress, or struggle be bringing your attention to? Be honing you for? What happens when you trust what is, rather than fight against it?

Trust gives us a place to begin our advocacy. It gives us more potent information about what we truly need and long for. Trust is not complacent, but it is cooperative. Trust will not harm, or judge, or go to war. But it will stand up, speak out, and make changes. Trust is inherently, an action. It is self-worth in action. It is a mindset of meaning, of purpose, of investigation.

Many of us have shattered trust, or fragments of trust and this can feel like a big leap. Sometimes, in those situations, we have to literally invoke trust. We have to pull it up from earth and the soil beneath our feet, from something bigger than us.

And we can nurture and cultivate this trust by surrounding ourselves with people that support our empowerment, and with people who can join us in the bigger questions. What has this particular challenge chosen me for? How might I grow from it?

In essence, the working system is about cooperating with what is. How do you feel when you stay firmly rooted in the present? How can we all begin to strengthen in our ability to just stay? To stay with ourselves, with what is current, and to find a way to cooperate with and if necessary, go directly through it? Many things are meant to change, to be moved through, but first we need to pause and take stock. When we pause, we find our position, the mindset of advocacy and trust, and set our course from there.  This is the hero’s journey for all of us, and it has the potential to bring us into a life we could never have even imagined for ourselves. Are you willing?

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